Never Enough Time: series in caring for an elderly parent

As I sit here in the ICU with my ailing mother I lament on what I should have done. What else could I have done? There is never enough time. We all have choices as to how we live our lives and sometimes it is difficult to know when you need to take time away from work to help someone else or when it will be ok to just carry on your day.

I am so aware of my actions and emotions these days that I often feel that ignorance is bliss. How much easier it would be to just react and not be proactive. I have to catch myself and encourage myself to live in this moment. Last night I thought my mother wasn’t going to last through Christmas she was so sick. Today is a good day. She is alert, smiling and eating. I am happy, in this moment, at this time to have her, to love her.

I am reminded of the story “I’ll Love you Forever.” It is a story of a mother that cares and nurtures her son. As a baby she rocks him and tells him she will love him forever. As the story goes on it shows the relationship of the mother and son and how it changes until the little boy is a grown man caring and nurturing his mother, rocking her as she had rocked him. As I am blessed to be able to care for her I realize that the transition has occurred. I am now her parent.” When I was a little girl I used to love to be rocked, (truth be told, I still rock when I am stressed). Instead of asking my mother if she would rock me, I would ask her “Momma, can I rock you?” I like the son in the story would love nothing more than to pick her up and rock her to sleep. Sleep, with sweet, sweet dreams of heaven.

Only God knows when he will take her, but I know she is ready. She has told me so. What a blessing to know that she is satisfied with her life and that she, while frightened of the unknown like all of us, is at peace knowing she is going “HOME” soon.

Part of having a balance in life is being able to live with the choices you make. Loving and being loved go hand-in-hand.

May you always realize that time and love are your greatest gifts. May you always remember what is important in life. May you make good choices, starting with choosing to be happy and love. And may you always remember that God has a plan for you don’t ignore the calling.

Insight

Below is an article written by my dear friend Jackie Tiani, owner of Organized Systems. Jackie specializes in corporate organizing and had this insight to share with all of her readers. I thought it a terrific perspective on professional organizing as a whole. Enjoy...

I have just experienced a defining moment, in terms of my career as a professional
organizer. The events of this past month have tested the boundaries of what I believe
my business life is really about.
I just returned home from spending a week in Atlanta with my sister, a recent widow.
Just prior to our family vacation the fi rst week in August, my brother-in-law found out
that he was to lose his job. He endured his secret alone and did not share it with his
wife because he did not want to cast a shadow on my sister's vacation. On September
4, 2009, three weeks after returning home from vacation, at 62 years of age with no
hope of employment, my brother-in-law took his life. We are all struggling to come to
grips with his untimely death.
My defi ning moment found me staring at the calendar on my refrigerator, which was
still fi xed on July. I recalled the last time I had looked at the calendar. It was just before
we had left for our family vacation. I realized that the snorkel gear and suitcases are
still sitting in the hallway waiting to be transported to the attic. The dining room table,
usually empty, except for the centerpiece, has become a staging area for postponed
decisions. Abandoned projects and piles of paper are dispersed throughout my offi ce.
Death of a family member is often classifi ed as a "qualifying life event change." From
an IRS or HR perspective, this may mean you need to make changes to medical
coverage, life insurance, and/or retirement programs. From a professional organizer's
perspective, life event changes can shake up our world. Certain events from marriage
to divorce, from the birth of a child to the empty nest, from fi nancial windfall to
bankruptcy, from relocation to retirement, all present obstacles that pressure us to
interact with life in ways that we may not be prepared.
Defi ning moments are not always positive, but I believe they present opportunities.
My defi ning moment helped me to realize why ordinary people hire professional
organizers. Ordinary people lack proper focus when life gets in the way of living.
We all reach a point in time where we fi nd ourselves in a state of disorganization.
Professional organizers help people move from confusion to clarity, from being
ineffective to being effective, from helplessness to empowerment. When life is in
chaos, it makes sense to hire a professional organizer to help us through the journey.

Seeing Through the Eyes of a Hoarder

There is a new fascination, hoarding, (not my favorite word to use). Many of my clients would be classified as hoarders. They are wonderful and misunderstood. They do not want to be this way but are trapped in this disorder. It is an interesting and perplexing illness. Yes, it is an illness. No different from heart disease or diabetes. This disorder is most often paralyzing and painful.

Hoarders do not see things the way most people do. Often there is an irrational reason for holding onto broken, dilapidated items. We may see it as garbage or recyclable material but the hoarder may see as it was on the day it was purchased. Beautiful and new. It could also in the hoarders mind be repurposed for uses that you and I could never imagine. One of my clients loves to save old tissue boxes, plastic containers, spray bottle caps/lids or checkbook boxes to organize and store things. For those of you that are green you might think this a good idea but one doesn't need 20 checkbook boxes or spray bottle caps.

There is much speculation as to the cause of hoarding. Some doctors believe it to be attriubted to OCD. What causes OCD? A variety of reasons are offered in the medical industries. Genetics, chemical imbalance, there are even studies that show it can be brought on by streped throat.

One common thread that I have found is that most of my clients have started with a mild form of chronic disorganization or acquiring. A traumatic event such as a car accident, abuse, a severe injury, the death of someone very close or a long illness triggers it to escalate out of control. Sometimes several of these tragedies occur at once and then the "cycling", (as I call it) begins. Some hoarders collect, some acquire, some develop retail therapy. Each is unique in style but all have the same devastating result in the long run. Isolation, depression, shame, self destruction.

At some point, the hoarder is "outted" to the police or other authority. While a general clean up seems in order I warn not to do this without some outside intervention or therapy. Unfortunately, this happens once the authorities are brought in. Typically municipalities just pull up a dumpster and start loading it up. It is at this point that the hoarder looses the very thing they long for, control.

Nearly everyone that I speak to knows someone that suffers from this disorder. You may know a hoarder and not even know it. You even may be one. But rest assure you are not alone. Many people live with this "dirty" little secret. As a professional organizer and expert in this area it is my goal always to honor my clients. To approach with compassion. To be sure not to judge. To empower and teach my clients to let go.

A&E's new show "Hoarders" that airs on Monday nights at 9pm will help you understand this disorder and develop a compassion for the people it attacks. If you or someone you know suffers from OCD and/or hoarding be comforted in knowing that there is hope and there is help. Resources are becoming more and more abundant. Please visit my website or send and email with any questions you may have.

Release and Renew

Release and Renew

Is the clutter in your home the monkey on your back? Is your environment:

• Chronically disorganized?
• Buried in stuff?
• Lacking serenity?
• Symbolic of inner chaos?

Join us for Release and Renew, an ongoing educational support group facilitated by professional organizer and lifestyle consultant Fran Piekarski.
This series is designed to help you un-clutter your life and uncover peace. In a safe, compassionate setting, Piekarski will empower you to find the tools you need to break free of the disorder that is holding you back in your life.
Beginning Wednesday, July 29, 6:30-8:30 p.m.
(continuing the last Wednesday of each month; join us any session.)

Monarch Landing Retirement Village
2255 Erickson Drive (Route 59/Interstate 88) Naperville
Cost is $35 per session.
For required registration, visit www.remedease.com or
call 630/940-0440.

The Plague of Procrastination

It is in the quiet of the morning that I feel closest to God, The time of day when my mind is filled with inspiration and energy. All my thoughts and aspirations seem to culminate in this hour. Dr. Wayne Dyer says that when you awake in the middle of the night or the early morning that you should embrace those moments, get up and put your thoughts on paper because you are in the presence of God. So here I am. I awoke once at around 3:30 went to the bathroom and fell back to sleep. However, it was a restless sleep. I am always restless in the middle of the night when I have procrastinated.

This weekend I procrastinated on many things because I wanted to enjoy the holiday. I did enjoy the weekend but every so often the thoughts of the things I needed to do Monday morning just kept creeping in, to remind me of my inadequacies. I accomplished other things, not related to work, yet somehow they did not seem to be enough. I could have stopped and done the things that I needed to do but it was important to me to take the time to spend with my family and friends and to take time for myself. It was a trade off and I am not sorry I did it. I feel a sense of relief to be able to put those things that are important to me first and let God take care of the rest.

One of the things I was to do was to write this blog. Part of the reason I didn’t write it was not just the holiday the other part was procrastination. I had made up my mind that this would be the blog about procrastination so in the spirit of it, I procrastinated. I wrote on my Face Book page that I was procrastinating on writing on procrastination. I received some interesting comments. One reply was that I needed to visualize my blog already complete. He suggested that “most people procrastinated because they never fully see themselves accomplishing what it is that they want to do.” This is an interesting theory and I believe has much truth to it. Another commented was that I might think of starting with the most common reason why people procrastinate.

I have read books on procrastination (truth be told it is something I have fought most of my life) and all the speculation behind it: perfectionism, lack of goal setting, laziness, focus but the truth be told there are only two reasons we procrastinate. The first is a positive one. Like I mentioned in the beginning, I procrastinated on this blog over the weekend to enjoy my family and friends and the holiday. That is more about setting priorities putting something off because something else is more important. Yet I could have written this blog before the holiday, in the evening or early morning, etc. yet I didn’t because of the core reason for procrastination. The one and true reason for procrastination is FEAR! Fear that I will misspell a work or my grammar will not be perfect. Fear of putting my opinions out there and they will be rejected. No matter how you cut it, it all boils down to fear. We can talk ourselves out of anything.

So here I am, in the quiet of the morning, when I am closest to God and somehow in this moment my fear is gone. In the quiet and the stillness I listen and he beckons me to write. To impart to others that the ache you feel when you put off doing something that you are called to do is the voice of God calling you to take that leap of faith. Ivanla Vanzant in her book “One Day My Soul Just Opened Up” says that “there is a light that shines in all of us- some brighter than others because those that have the brightest light, in spite of adversity have not let the darkness of their thoughts dim the light.” I believe that in the hustle and bustle of our day our light can get dimmer. We allow our negative self talk and comments or actions of others to take hold and convince us that we are not worthy or able to produce results or carry out our dreams and desires. If only we can take a moment to quiet those voices down and keep the light shining we can allow ourselves to be filled with the Holy Spirit that shines in all of us and eliminate those thoughts so that we may move forward beyond our fears and overcome procrastination..

Let me ask you, what are the fears that are stopping you from letting your light shine?

Clutters Impact on the Environment

The Environment is a hot topic these days and if there is any motivation for people to get organized and simplify the environment should be at the top of the list. I often speak about how with the great wealth that we have in this country that we have not developed boundaries for how much we consume or acquire. Whether that consumption is food product, clothing, electronics or household goods with resale shops, garage sales, discount houses, warehouse memberships, biggie size jumbo everything we can have it all and more. Did you ever stop to think with every purchase what happens to the environment? Did you know that the United States eats up 1/3 of the world’s resources?

When you brush your teeth do you run the water? Did you know that when we you turn on a light you use water? It takes water to run electricity an exorbitant amount of water. On the contrary we do have a boundary. Our boundary is the natural resources we have been blessed with. The water we have today is the water that we had 2 million years ago. The air we breathe is the air we have. The earth we have is the only one we will ever have. These are rare commodities and yet we treat them as if they are bountiful.

John Muir a legendary writer and environmentalist who inspired President Taft to protect the National Parks wrote, “When one tugs at a single thing in nature, he finds it attached to the rest of the world." He also dreamed that there would come a day when everything that was man made had the same properties as God made. Everything we do everyday effects the environment, our children, our grandchildren, etc. The American Indians believe that we should base our actions on how they impact 7 generations. We may never be able to replicate God’s creation in man made items but we can ask ourselves this question “What can I do today to make up for the damage I have caused to the environment today by the gasoline I used, the lights I turn on, the garbage I throw away?”

So when you go to purchase something ask yourself if it is something that is causing excess in your life. Will that excess affect the environment? Is it toxic to your life? Does it require batteries or electricity that is not necessary? When you discard something ask yourself if it can be recycled, serve a purpose for someone or something else? Am I honoring creation and the gifts that God gave me when I discard this? If you are not sure then look at the resources below and perhaps you will find your answers. There are also some statistics that might really shock you. The one on food is from my friend Theresa. I am amazed that those that spend the least amount on food eat the healthiest. Food for thought!

I want to thank Kay McKeen for much of the information in this newsletter. I must confess, I plagiarized a lot of it but I know that given the intent she would not mind. Her calling is to save the earth and all its resources. I encourage you to take a class that she gives or just read her messages on the SCARCE website at http://www.bookrescue.org. You will be inspired. I also encourage you to read anything by John Muir. His writing is truly breathtaking and spiritual.

Many Blessings

Use People Love Things

Mathew Kelly in his book the Rhythm of Life has a very poignant quote near the end of the book that I would love to share with you.

“We were meant to use things and love people. If we could live by these two simple principles of life we would be better off but unfortunately our society promotes a fasted passed world and therefore we have a tendency to love things and use people.”
When I read that I was enlightened.  So often this simple concept is something I strive to share with my clients but somehow it doesn’t always come out this articulately.

How often do we identify ourselves in the things we own? The car we drive, our clothes, the things we have in our home. We allow our lives to revolve around acquiring.  We have to work to pay our bills.  We have to work to get those things that we need, yet too often we work toward the things we want when our needs are not satisfied. We clutter our homes and our lives with things that don’t have the same meaning as the people in our lives. These economic times are causing us to really look at this concept.  If it hasn’t touched you yet it very well may.

When I was a little girl my family lost just about everything that we owned in a fire. We were poor, nearly homeless and stressed. My mother, God bless her, kept her faith. It was her faith and her belief that if we had nothing else we had each other that not only made us survivors but imparted a value that is instilled in me to this day many years later.

I believe that we must be cautious about what we allow in our lives.  Our global environment allows us to be exposed to so much, so many choices. It is perhaps our blessings and our curse to have the ability as humans to choose. Choose wisely with your time, your money and your things. I believe that all things come from our maker and we are to be good stewards of these blessings. We own only our choices, everything else is on loan from the Almighty. Love the people and relationships you have and with regard to things, bite off only what you can chew, anything else is gluttony…